Thoughts that need to be put into words...

You're probably already intrigued by what necessary post really means or where this is going to head to.. well, you're about to find out. It's time someone talked about this and I guess that just so happens to be me. 

Don't get me wrong, abroad is one of the most wonderful experiences I have ever had. The opportunity to learn and grow in a place far away from home is something I will forever cherish. I can already tell this experience will forever change me and make me a better person. You learn a lot about yourself when you're in an unfamiliar situation. I know when I return home, I'll become one of those people who does the exact thing I'm writing about. 

Here's the thing. Whenever someone comes home and you ask them what they thought of abroad, you always get the same response. "It was awesome." "It was the best time of my life." "I miss it so much... I with I could go back to London, Spain, Paris, etc." All you ever hear regarding abroad is the happy parts, the adventures they had, the places they visited, or the crazy nights they had this one time in.... No one ever has the courage to talk about how hard it is to move halfway across the world and be in a completely different place. 

I know what you're saying, London isn't that different from America. Or, Hannah you love new things and adventures! Well, there is an ocean in between and my family isn't over here... so it's pretty different! The internet is slower, the tv shows different shows, stores are different, and paper is a different length!

To be honest, I love this place. I really do but no one ever explains to you how hard it can be sometimes to miss home, miss people, or miss the comfort of living in a place where you have been your whole life. 

I guess it comes down to the fact that the good outweighs the bad. When people come home from being abroad, they don't want to talk about the challenges or the times that really took a toll on them. Instead, they just want to share about all the neat experiences they had! I totally understand that and I'll probably do the same exact thing when I get home. But my goal is to be more open about the challenges that come with being abroad. Maybe along the way, someone who is headed abroad will be able to more easily deal with the challenges it brings having read this post. 

Adjusting to a new place can be incredibly difficult and comes with a unique set of challenges. Maybe incredibly difficult isn't the correct way to describe it because it truly hasn't been that bad. I guess it's just different...  I've been on adventures, completed 3 weeks of class, and will be seeing my mom in just over a month! Heck, I'm almost halfway to my midterms already. The challenges are beginning to subside and I'm settled. And as of now, I really like it here. 

For the longest time, I haven't been out of my comfort zone. I make friends easily, I settle into new situations, and I try to make the best out of any adversity that may come my way. But nothing has ever challenged me in the way that studying abroad has. If you asked my family if I would ever find abroad difficult, no one would've thought I would. But sometimes, it is. When the unfamiliar greatly outweighs the familiar, it can be freaky. But I guess abroad is teaching me to be real with my feelings and to not always be the strong girl I feel like I have to be. It's also pushing me so far out of my comfort zone and it's about time something did that! I'm so grateful for the changes this experience is bringing about in me. 

First off, there's a time difference. Five hours may not seem like a lot, but it's really hard when you want to tell your mom something exciting and have to wait for a response! (NY, you should be glad mom doesn't check her phone during school hours). But you learn to deal with it. It comes as a shock at first because everyone is busy at home while you're heading off to bed. Or when you wake up and have a thought, you're accidentally texting them at 3am. Maybe you just need a moment to talk to someone but they're off at their nightly activity. That can be hard. But you learn. My boyfriend, John, and I have learned what nights he's free and what times work best for both of us. I talk to my family more on Sundays than any other day because they're free then. You learn. You figure out what works best for you and those you love. After a few weeks, it becomes the new normal. Change is good and so is learning. 

Second of all, being limited to one bag is incredibly difficult as you want to pack all of your favorite comforts from home, including but not limited to, shampoo, conditioner, etc. Well, I had to leave a lot of that at home and that presented some challenges on the first week here. I had no idea where the cheapest place was to buy the select goods or where to even find food. But now, I have it figured out. I know my favorite stores and where to find the cheapest fruits. I know where the street vendors are and which ones the locals frequent. I get it now: I know my way around, for the most part. I know my way around enough that I am comfortable. 

Lastly, no one ever talks about missing home. Everyone sort of acknowledges that it'll happen but no one ever discusses how to deal with it, what it feels like, or even that it really happens! No one I had ever talked to about abroad had ever expressed that they missed home. But I do! I'm going to be honest with you right now - sometimes I really miss home. I miss my family, dogs, boyfriend, friends, Target, Wegmans... basic things. But being here has taught me to love from afar. Knowing that everyone I love at home is still capable of loving me even when I'm miles away is a powerful thing. Knowing that my mom is still my best friend even though I'm across an ocean is crazy or that my best friends are still there and love me just the same, regardless of the distance. 

Nights can be hard. You sometimes feel like you're all alone in a city of millions. But you're not. The nights that feel endless will eventually come to an end. Every day here is one day closer to being home. That's both sad and comforting. Sad because I will never be studying abroad again (or at least I don't have any plans to) and because I only have a limited time left to explore this city. Happy because I miss everyone I love. It's hard because I'm going to bed here while people at home are sometimes just getting out of work. Not being able to talk to those you love can sometimes take a toll. 

Side note, thanks for being the best mom, mom. You are always there to talk when I need you : whether to express a worry or tell you about something exciting. You're always there. I couldn't do this without you. I love you!

I'll admit. I was freaked out the first night. Jet lag kicked in, our internet sucked, and I had no way to use my phone. But you know what? It's all settled now. I'm settled. And the good outweighs the bad. I think everyone tries to ignore the bad because no one wants to feel guilty for being upset in an amazing city. London is an amazing city. There is something for everyone here and you can always find something new to go explore. Yes, sometimes I feel guilty for missing home but it's home. You can't change that feeling of "home." It's a real thing and you have to learn to deal with it. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that abroad can be hard. It's not always this magical experience like everyone's pictures lead you to believe. It can be lonely sometimes but yes, the good outweighs the bad BY FAR. I love this place more and more day by day. I can't imagine not coming on this amazing trip or being able to explore Europe with some of my friends. The struggles are there, yes, but you learn to deal with them and I believe I'll come back from being abroad being stronger, more independent, and confident. This adventure is absolutely going to change me for the better and I appreciate all of your support as I continue to explore. 

"The circumstances we ask God to change are often the circumstances God is using to change us." - Max Lucado 

"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." 

Psalm 61:2